Without Morality
by SadonLaas
Summary: "After all I've done for your corrupt empire." Her venomous words were draped in dark malice. He was silent for a moment, his eyes narrowed. Then he let out a breath as a conclusion was reached. "Exile to your frozen land of origin: Atmora." "No, not execution, but starvation, madness, a slow agonizing death." her voice was low. "A sentence fit for a traitor to the empire."
1. Chapter 1

**Please review, and tell me what you think. Just for the fact I'd like to know how it makes you feel, predictions, who you think the characters are and will become, a bit of a challenge if you will. Tis the first chapter, an ideal time for prediction making.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

The wind took away my breath as I shut my eyes against it and the snow. The wall of white, all around me, made it difficult to determine if I was going forward, backward, straight or in circles. In this monsterous blizzard, pelts did nothing to shield me. The snow and ice, the wind, the vast whiteness, void of life. Was I already dead, suffering eternally in a white wasteland as punishment for my sins?

I scoffed. I would've remembered dying.

With that thought, I stopped fighting the wind and let myself fall back into the knee-deep snow. A grave such as this would have to do. One was free to do as one pleased in exile. Even die.

I crossed my arms impatiently as I layed there, and waited.

* * *

 _"I can hardly punish you by death, as they want me to, for you have done us a great service." He stood up from his throne. "And I doubt we could kill you easily anyway, having divine blood running through your veins." His grieved eyes looked upon the once proud heroine, now labeled a traitor to the empire. Her defiant eyes narrowed at everyone in the hall._

 _"After all I've done for your corrupt empire." Her venomous words were draped in dark malice._

 _He was silent for a moment, his eyes narrowed. Then he let out a breath as a conclusion was reached._

 _"Exile to your frozen land of origin: Atmora."_

 _"No, not execution, but starvation, madness, a slow agonizing death." her voice was low._

 _"A sentence fit for a traitor to the empire."_

 _"You are the only treasonous bastard here, serving your masters."_

 _"I am Emperor." he said, frustration tensing his muscles and widening his eyes._

 _"I don't fear you or your masters." she narrowed her eyes, her words were hate filled._

 _"Leave my sight."_

 _"I'll return to finish what I have begun. To tear down the false emporer."_

 _With her prediction spoken, she was taken to spend her life in cold, harsh, freedom in exile._

I closed my book, contemplating whether or not it was at all accurate.

"If you were going to read novels, you should've joined the Bards College, not an academic university such as this, apprentice." A condecending voice pushed away my thoughts.

"It is history." I replied. I got a scoff in reply. I looked up to see an elf I hadn't seen before in the college.

"Absurd. A bard wrote that. History, perhaps, but mostly fiction." He left along with his belief of being a cut above the company. I stood to make my way to classes.

"Arrogant Thalmor bastard."

The other apprentices and I prepared for bed in the dormatories. When I had first arrived here, I couldn't believe I was in the infamous College of Winterhold, but it's since lost it's luster. Everyday was the same routine as the day before. Only lessons differed.

I tossed the book I had read onto the desk as I got ready for bed, taking off my outer robes, leaving me in cloth trousers and a shirt of the same material.

" _The Rise and Fall of the Dragon"_ The title was spoken aloud, and I quickly turned to match voice with face.

"Audeius, this is not a study book." The Breton man, about my age, smirked.

"I enjoy things other than studying, Veric." I took the book from him.

"Ah, the secret life of Audeius Berne. Who knew the prized and brilliant apprentice mage had a life other than studies!"

"That's quite enough." I said, but with a smile at my friend's teasing. "What of you, Veric? Shouldn't a Breton fellow like yourself be a merchant of some kind?" Veric acted as if he was wounded.

"Merchant? Dear Audeius, that's what they call stereotypes. I have a better sense of adventure than that!" Veric had a sly grin, and I returned the smirk.

"No, Veric, a stereotype would be assuming you were short and dainty because you hail from High Rock." I took a step towards him so to make him look up a me, for he was lacking in height. "Ah, I see they have stereotypes for a reason." Veric laughed.

"Audeius please, teasing is only okay if I'm the one doing it." I chuckled along with him at his words.

"So, is that your plan? Graduate and then adventure?" I was serious now. Veric looked at me, humor still remaining.

"Well, I doubt it'll go exactly like that. Would you be one for adventuring, Audeius? Have these bedtime stories warped your brilliant mind?"

"Hardly. However, I would like to know how accurate the book is." I said plainly.

"Not at all, probably. Bards tend to exaggerate."

"So I've heard. But we do know such a person existed not long ago, and was exiled, or killed. I'd just like to know the whole story."

"You don't sound like a proud Imperial Citizen of the Empire right now, Audeius." Veric laughed. I smiled with him.

"Well perhaps my mind has been warped, and perhaps i should get some sleep." With that, Veric bade me goodnight, and I settled in bed, wondering still.

Veric and I left the campus and ventured into the village. On off days, we did this. You can expect nothing less of a couple of young men, looking for an eligable lass. We didn't get much luck in that field, but we did get to use the alchemy lab in the achemist shop for free. It was better than taking turns at the college. We also ventured down the hill near the frozen sea so that we were nearly under the college to practice our spells. We called them off days, and lass hunting, but in reality we were just putting what we learned into practice. Nothing more. At least I could see that.

Today I was going to venture a bit North, to some of the islands, perhaps. Veric was hestiant.

"We shouldn't go far, and half of the way is frozen sea, and that is, particularly dangerous." Veric was often humorous, but now he was of serious nature.

"My dainty Breton friend, surely you are more of a man than that." I knew teasing would make him come along without complaint. Though he joked about it, it really was only okay if he teased. Silently, he followed me down the steep slope towards the shore.

* * *

I hadn't died.

Sighing, I rose up from my bed of white, and stood, looking around in the now clear weather.

I looked in every direction, turning around slowly. An ever-gray sky, an ever-white ground. The gray and the white met in a horizon, and it was as if there was nothingness here. Vast, and absolute. To one direction, a jagged, mountainous horizon, to the other, nothing particularly interesting.

Suddenly, a revelation.

The Sea of Ghosts was frozen.

* * *

"Cast a fireball in that direction, Veric." I made him practice as we walked. He did as was told, but not in the desired direction. It flew by my face, and I jumped back, hoping my eyebrows weren't seared away. A rise in alarm and anger made me turn to him, who had a look of horror on his face.

"Veric!" My chest rose and fell in excitement. After that, we continued. Surprising as it was, I wanted to get along with my little exploration rather than lecture on aiming properly. That would come later.

"I'll be getting a lesson won't I?" Veric could almost read my mind by now.

"For the simple fact that I hold my life in high regard, my friend. Yes." I smirked at him. He sighed heavily with a returning smirk.

"An Imperial, with no natural magical abilities, whom is _younger_ than me, will be giving me, a Breton with magic in my very breeding, a lecture." There was some truth behind his mocking of shame.

"I'm only a few months younger than you." I said.

"Ah, but still, you've a talent, and you are brillant, Audeius." This praise was making me exceedingly uncomfortable, and I walked on.

"I study, something in which you neglect." Veric laughed out loud at my words.

"I have you! I don't need to study books, my Imperial friend. You Imperials. Always going on about your books." He shook his head.

"Stereotypes, Veric." I glanced at him and half smiled and he became silent but humor was still in the air. We travelled on.

We stood on a northern-most island. The sea had frozen this winter, as predicted. The northern weather had been harsher the last few years. I looked out, and saw nothing but ice and sky. The cold wind from the north took my breath away. My dark hair, which I had neglected to cut since joining the College, hung to my shoulders. Now the wind disturbed it so that it blew towards my face and limited visiblity. I took my hood off and that made all the difference.

"You look majestic." Veric chuckled, trying to hold in laughter. I smiled.

"That's my aim. Perhaps if your lushious locks had been spared, you could look like me." Veric almost lost it at those words.

"You look like a lass from behind!" At that point he began laughing hartily, bent over and just enjoying himself greatly. I rolled my eyes.

"I do not, you wee man." I turned back towards the horizon. In the distance, on the ice caps, there was a break in the endless white, just slightly differing. I squinted, Veric still laughing behind me.

"Veric, do you see something out there?" He chuckled still before looking in the same direction.

"No, I don't believe so. Come, let's return. It's very cold." Still, I watched the movement, even when he turned around. As I watched, I could definitely tell it was moving. Without saying a word to Veric, I started across the frozen sea.

"Audeius! What are you doing?" Veric called to me. I rose my hood again and continued steadily towards my goal. Veric soon followed. "You're mad!" He exclaimed, but did not complain any further. The closer I came to this break in the pattern of white, the better I could see. Someone was out there. Veric could see now too, for he looked at me, then back out there. We both quickened our paces.

* * *

I watched the ground move beneath me, and the distant mountains become closer. I looked ahead, and for a moment, I thought I saw something. My eyes often tricked me. But the more I looked, the more I knew that someone was near, coming toward me even. No, there were two. I stopped moving.

Would my journey begin with the bloodshed of these two individuals? I had no time for such things.

I snarled in disgust, kicking angrily at the snow. Spell-happy college students ready to dual. No one gained from fighting fairly in this world. I'd end them quickly.

* * *

Veric slowed his pace as I continued in a near run. The closer I got, I realized there was a woman, and she had stopped moving. Was she waiting for me to get close before attacking me? If I showed signs of hostility, she would surely become hostile. I couldn't have a spell ready. I would keep distance.

I slowed to a stop once I was near enough to speak to her without rising my voice so much. I looked back to Veric, many feet away, but watching intently. I turned back towards this woman.

"From your direction, you've come from the north, but it is mostly sea and ice." I spoke to her. For a while there was silence.

"This ribbon of sea is frozen entirely. In the north lies Atmora, which has become very large due to the freezing." Atmora, the original home of the Nords? Expeditions had been sent there before, reports being that it was now frozen over. What she said made sense.

"Why were you so far north? Life cannot sustain itself in the ice. Were you part of a lost expedition?" She took a while to reply.

"Something like that." Her voice was thick with Nord accent. I started walking slowly to her.

"We don't mean for conflict. I'm interested in helping you."

"I don't need your help, apprentice." Her words were aggressive, but our discussion was halted abruptly by Veric's cry for help. I turned, seeing ice atronach towering over my friend. He used spells, all too weak or missing the target. I looked to the woman, who seemed indifferent. We locked eyes. Then she sighed.

"You need mine." Was all she said before sprinting in the direction of the conflict. I followed, and despite me being brilliant in class, I forgot everything in this moment.

* * *

I was still influenced by pleas of help.

The ice atronach continued to attack the young man, gouging at him with the sharp, icy points where hands would be on a person. Blood began to spill, and all the while, his friend stood silently frozen while the Breton yelled in pain and fear. Action had to be taken, for if they died, I would still have to fight.

"Yol Toor Shul" The words were shouted, and a great force of flames engulfed the beast of Oblivion. It's attention was on me. The words from the scroll...

Remembering the firestorm spell, I casted it.. An explosion erupted, and the ice beast was no more.

But niether was the strength of the ice.

The heated ice weakened and cracked, and the collasped Breton that was attecked was at the epicenter of the damage, bleeding from several wounds. His friend came to, and was near him, but was smart enough to stay away from the cracked ice. Twas a shame.

* * *

"Veric, listen, do not move." I begged him, though he continued to writhe. I tried to cast a healing spell from where I stood, but it was to no avail. Veric had terror in his eyes. I turned to the woman.

"Spells that size and power are unwise!" Though I was angry, I was trying to be sensible in my argument.

"It was unwise to venture where you do not belong." Was all she said. I watched Veric try to stay still, but he was shivering.

"What do I do?" The question was mostly for myself, as I mulled over everything I studied and learned. Perhaps ice could be mended. I cast an ice spell, and I tried to mend the cracks, and although it would work, it would only be for a moment before the crack reopened. My spells weren't strong enough. I felt panic grasp my lungs, taking my ability to breathe.

"Fo Krah Diin"

Whispered words carried on the air, and ice formed on the damage, like a bandage.

"Get him off of that weak ice, quickly." I obliged to the woman's words and coaxed Veric to come to me. At this point, he was weak from blood loss, and he needed to be careful of the ice, so quickly was hardly an option. He edged closer to me, and I reached my hand out to him, before he fell.

He fell through.

* * *

 **Just a note: I like to imagine Audeius looking like Tom Hiddleston. What do you think?**

 **In fact, imagine all the characters so far, and let me know who you imgine them looking like. A wee game.**

 **Thanks for reading! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello all. Sorry for the wait, and the shorter chapter. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

 **Have a nice read. :)**

* * *

I watched as Veric sucked in a breath from shock of cold, but instead of air, water infiltrated his lungs. I felt frozen, as seconds felt like hours, it felt like forever, while I watched him gasp and gurgle, and grab at the ice to no avail. I could see his mouth forming my name before he sank, but I couldn't hear him. The black water engulfed him, and I could do nothing. My only friend, gone.

All logic and rationality left me as I did not want to be alone in the world. I dropped to my knees.

"He was my friend." I whispered. I looked to the gray sky. "Gods."

"You will gain nothing from friends. Perhaps a companion, but we all die in the end. And we die alone." She said, her voice void of emotion. She walked away, towards the shore.

I longed to be like her in this moment. Unfeeling.

After a moment of grief, watching the dark water for any sign of life, I decided the logical thing to do would be to accompany her. I wanted nothing to do with the college anymore. I stood up, and I followed, catching up.

"What is your name?" I asked, nearly choking with grief, but pushing on. Nothing was to be done. She answered promptly.

"Rowan."

"I am Audeius."

"I am not your friend Audeius. You will only accompany me if you benefit me. Do you understand?" She didn't even look at me.

"I understand."

"In return, you will learn the truth, and never be blinded by illusions. You will be my student. Learn quickly, apprentice. I lack patience."

As we started on our journey, I felt like I was forgetting something.

* * *

Much was to be done before a rise. I knew this, but I was still impatient. Long years I waited for my chance to keep my promise. Nord blood kept me from frostbite in my exile. Being a Nord lets you survive in harsh temperatures and thrive, but Atmora was something else entirely. It was freezing, and I am full blooded. Dragon blood, or souls, or whatever exactly coursed through me, kept me sane. In my solitude, I began to understand the differences between me and normal humans. Being Dragonborn wasn't just a title.

A few days had passed since I came to the shore. Currently, we were making our way to my home, or what was once my home. It had been several years. By now it would be taken by nature. Falkreath was our destination, but Audeius didn't know that. He hardly spoke at all. The young man was bright, and noticed things most didn't. He would have an advantage over most.

The way he grieved, only for a moment, but understanding he must move on,was what made me tolerate his company, and agree to his following.

* * *

There was no laughter, no sly grins. As gray as the sky, life became. I hadn't felt anything like this before. It was sudden. Was death looming so near, as to snatch us up in the blink of an eye?

It was my fault. I should've never gone to the ice, but I was curious. I was foolish. I mulled over every possible outcome, what should've happened, and it all was to lead to tragety. There was no changing the course, unless I travelled through time, and that wasn't possible, nor was it natural.

I would drive myself mad if I kept up with this. I avoided all thoughts concerning the event.

"I'm going to tell you truths about me, Audeius. You may leave after I am done if you wish it. I do not desire the company of someone who disagrees with my ideas or actions. Listen close."

"I am the Last Dragonborn. I killed Alduin, the Vampire Lord Harkon, and Miraak. I've saved this world many times over. I've saved many people, but I've killed an equal number. I am not good, nor am I evil. I have a mission in this life, and it is to set things right, to save some, and kill some. For there to be a proper order in this world, I must rise."

"Rise? You're blessed by Akatosh already, why must you rise?" I asked. If all those things occured, she must already be powerful.

"Tell me, did you know those things about me, or did you only know that I was exiled to Atmora for treason?" Her blue eyes gazed at me, and I realized that I knew nothing.

"I didn't know."

"The leaders of your Empire would have my memory extiguished. After all I've done for the world, they only wish me forgotten. The rise to power I need is political. I'm a legend, a hero, but only a bedtime story for Nord lads. And yet I am so much more. In my exile I realized this. I don't believe my life is worth more than others, but I do believe they need my guideance. Your empire is not it's own. I wish to see the world set right, not array."

"So, you kill anyone if they do not benefit you, or if they get in your way?"

"I am a believer in necessary death, but do not believe I am without morality." Rowan gazed at me, a penetrating gaxe that wasn't quite a glare.

I didn't know what to think of her words entirely. I find the traitor, just to be swayed by her speech? She was more than any ordinary human, that was plain to see. All those acts, to save us? If that was true, then it was our empire that was wrong, not her.

Perhaps that meant that she would be the ideal person to follow.

Night was falling on the plains of Skyrim. A great city was sillhouetted against the darkening sky, Whiterun. All was well, until the clanking of several sets of armor made Rowan alert, looking this way and that, squinting to see in the growing shadow of dusk.

"It's probably just some foot soldiers. I'm surprised we haven't passed any this whole time." I explained. She narrowed her eyes at me.

"But the civil war, I put a stop to that." I shook my head at her.

"Ulfric is still waging war against the Legion." She visibly got angry. I was almost afraid.

"We're going to Windhelm next." She then briskly kept walking into the direction we were headed. I caught up.

"To negotiate with Ulfric?" Rowan shook her head without looking at me.

"No, we're going to kill him." I was surprised by her words, and yet not surprised.

"Why him? Don't you hate the Empire?" She stopped and turned around, and I nearly ran into her.

"Listen carefully. Ulfric has no intention of giving Skyrim her freedom. The Stormcloaks are pawns for him to gain. Nothing more. We were at peace, but he uses the fact that the Thalmor are forbidding Talos worship to gain followers. Everyone hates the Thalmor. Even the Imperials. We're all on the same page, except Ulfric. If he wins the war, the Thalmor are unleashed, because it breaks the White Gold Concordat. There will be another Great war, and all that's keeping that from happening is the Imperial Legion. Ulfric doesn't care about religious freedom, Audeius. He only wishes to send Skyrim into chaos." She turned back around and continued walking.

"The Thalmor will have their time, Audeius. They control this Empire, but I will put an end to it. It must be delt with, and I assume that is why Ulfric did this, to win, then to put down the Thalmor once they retaliate. It won't happen like that. Perhaps Ulfric and I have the same goals, but he is a fool."

Pine trees towered above us, and I admired all the green and splashes of color made by flowers. It was a great contrast from all the white I was used to. Some time down to stony road, we passed a small, seemingly deserted cottage, taken over but the surrounding vegitation. Rowan paused, turned to where the cottage sat quietly, and thought a moment.

"I nearly walked by it. The brush is high." She started walking into the briars and bushes, and soon we entered a clearing after passing a small pond. There sat a manor. Vines grew up the side, trying to swallow the house, but it was becoming of the stead. The garden was weed stricken, and the stables were falling apart, but the house itself seemed well.

"That was your house?" I asked. Rowan nodded.

"Built it myself. Not that I needed all the room. I had a housecarl, a steward, many treasures from my explorations, so I decided to just make it comfortable, with room for storage, a library, and bedrooms."

"Seems big enough for that many people, and a family. Did you ever marry?" Rowan looked at me, a strange look in her eyes.

"I thought about it. I did have plans of a family when I built this as well, and I could have had one, but I was needed, and I put my own wants at rest."

"Why? Why not have a normal life?"

"Because I am not normal, Audeius. It's hard for you to understand. A family I could have, but it would complicate things greatly. I understood this, and I could ignore the wants of the flesh, because I am not wholly human." Her voice as stern.

"No want for love? For a husband and child? Not even the closeness of a man?" Rowan sighed.

"Part of me wanted a husband, and a child, and," she paused "intimacy. That was human. But I am The Last Dragonborn, and I had a different purpose. I couldn't give any of my enemies leverage against me. I did love. I am not a dwemer machine." Her voice lowered. I had hit a tender spot, saw a more sensative part of Rowan. I almost felt proud of myself.

"Was there ever a man?" I asked, purely out of curiousity. Rowan started towards the house.

"There was. My steward at the time."

"You lived with him and yet never married him?"

"I am a virgin. Don't assume anything of me. I respected him, but you know what our friendship and closeness got me?"

"What?" I asked, slightly confused at this point.

"His death."

Silence fell, and from one glance at me with her icy blue eyes, I knew what she was thinking. Her words were specific, well chosen, to open a wound, to hurt me.

I was being punished for asking too any questions.


	3. Chapter 3

**Enjoy the read! Leave a review and let me know what you think!**

* * *

The fire crackled and popped, casting a flickering orange glow in the house, bringing it to life, giving it warmth after many years. I sat at the table, waiting, thinking. My jaw was tense, my teeth beginning to hurt. I fought against the painful choking in the back of my throat, and stayed silent. I took my hood off, shaking my head slightly, my hair going this way and that. I rubbed my face with my hands, feeling exhausted, and hungry. A weight just sat upon me as I rested by the fire, waiting for Rowan as she searched the house for disturbances.

I rested my head on my arms, and closed my eyes, drifting into a light sleep.

* * *

Besides a coat of dust that settled over everything, nothing had changed, and I was thankful for this. I was very satisfied with it.

I exchanged my pelts for proper clothes, and gathered my weapons. I packed two bags of potions and food. Anything we needed, like plenty of gold that I had stashed away. Perhaps we would rest here for a day or two, but I wanted to be prepared. I'd see how skilled and bright Audeius actually was.

* * *

Commotion woke me from my half sleep, and I looked up to see Rowan in a cotton shirt, trousers and boots, making some kind of stew. She had washed herself in the time that I had been asleep. She looked so much younger with a clean face, and her long flaxen hair was no longer matted. She could've been pretty. She looked to me, caught me staring, and turned to me.

"What is it?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.

"You look different is all." I explained, though vaguely. She nodded in understanding.

"I was quite unsightly when you first met me. Are you hungry? I'm sure you are. Food is nearly ready." I sat up straight when she mentioned the food, at the same time the smell aroused my senses and suddenly I was less tired.

"You best go wash yourself in the back room." She glanced at me. "I'll find you some new clothes, and perhaps some new mages robes. Go get clean, and be thorough. It could be a while until your next proper bath." I felt my face heat up with embarassment as I got up to do as she said.

I combed my hair out, realizing I had no desire for it's length. Using a dagger, I cut it off. It was still lengthy, but it was short at my neck and no longer hindered visibility. I got dressed in clean clothes, and went to eat.

Upon seeing me, Rowan's eyes lingered.

"Your appearence has changed as well." She then narrowed her eyes. "I hope you aren't ill." I was confused, and she must've seen that. "You're thin and pale." A realized what she meant.

"I've been lanky and fair skinned my whole life. I'm not diseased as far as I know." I sat down opposite of Rowan where my share of food was, and I began eating, surprised at how flavorful it actually was.

"Eat well, Audeius. It's going to be a while before a proper meal. Always keep those things in mind; you can't have the luxuries of home when traveling."

I took mental note of her words, and we ate our fill, and retired to bed.

* * *

Bloodied corpses laid as far as I could see in the valley, draped in all colors, people of all races. I alone stood among them. Moving was exhausting. I felt like I was walking through waist deep snow. I would trip over an arm or leg, and stumble. Where was I? I didn't remember anything such as this.

A gentle snow fell, as if the Divines themselves were trying to cover up the carnage, but to no avail.

I woke up, startled. For the first time in many years, I was disturbed.

* * *

I woke the next day, well rested. After stretching, splashing water on my face and getting dressed in new mage robes Rowan must have left for me, I went downstairs. Rowan was pacing about the room, but slowly, as if in deep thought. At the noise of my descent, she looked up.

"I hope you've gotten sufficent rest. Today you're going to show me how much you actually know about magic, alchemy, enchanting, and summoning. Also, the library has two floors, both filled with books. Some are spell books. The storage room has potions, potion recipes, and alchemy ingredients. An enchanting and alchemy table are upstairs." I nodded in response, and Rowan gestured for me to follow. We went outside.

As I followed Rowan, she began asking questions.

"What type of magic are you best at?" I didn't know, I just shrugged.

"I've studied and practiced all magics equally I believe."

"What branch of destruction magic do you favor?" Rowan asked.

"It depends upon the enemy in a hostile situation. But if I knew nothing of the enemies weaknesses or resistances, probably lightening." Rowan nodded at my words.

"Wise. How advanced are the spells you know in destruction?" Rowan paced before me, listening, her hands linked behind her back.

"I've studied adept spells, read on more complicated ones, but I was only ever permitted to perform apprentice spells." Rowan grunted, then looked up.

"This isn't that recreant plagued college you spent," she paused, looking at me, inquiry in her eyes.

"Oh, uh, six years, since I was eighteen." I answered her unspoken question.

"Six years, learning only theory, possibilities, probabilities, and never actually practicing. Here, with me, I want you to reach your very limit. Burn the forest down, I don't care. You can never truly learn if you do not act, and make mistakes. I have many scars from many blades nearly cutting me down in my youth. We learn from experience." I noticed how Rowan stood straighter as she lectured me, and how new life reached her features, making her look younger. She was almost smirking. Perhaps she liked having someone to instruct, even though she talked of necessary death and comdemning having someone burden her with unusefulness. How she confused me. Was she human, or was she an unfeeling demi-divine of logic, strategy, and planning?

"Understood." I stated, almost excited.

"What about alteration, conjuration, illusion, and restoration?"

"I've studied all of them, but never practiced conjuration. It's no longer allowed in the college." Rowan scoffed.

"Well, we'll practice conjuring a familiar and atronachs in that school, but I'd rather focus on restortion, alteration for defense spells, and only a few spells in the illusion school. You don't have to learn everything, only spells that we will really need, especially in a hostile situation." I nodded at her words.

We had walked all the way down to the lake shore, and felt my stomach turn with anxiety.

"So, have you ever fully cast an adept destruction spell?" Rowan's voice made me look up from the ground.

"I taught myself and Veric the fireball spell." I almost winced. Rowan nodded.

"Cast one on the ground away from us." I nervously turned away from Rowan, and remembered the spell, flame ignited in my palm, and I cast the fireball. I let out a heavy breath.

"It was a fireball but hardly at it's maximum energy." Rowan's palms ignited and she cast a fireball in the same direction, only the explosion was much bigger than mine.

For hours, I practiced destruction spells. I was improving quickly, with each cast, learning from the cast before, with Rowan's instruction. We moved to alteration, and the ironflesh spell, then restoration. I found restoration easy, but it took a lot of energy. Rowan demonstrated healing yourself quickly, and healing others, and stronger wards. By the time the sun began to set, she looked at me, with sincerety it seemed.

"You learn quickly, and you have a lot of skill for only an apprentice. With practice, and experience, you will be the greatest mage Skyrim has seen. I am not one for flattering, either. What I say is truth." Rowan then turned away, heading back towards the house. We would stay one more night, then leave for Windhelm. I followed, wondering how my life had turned this direction, and why I made the choice.

Perhaps my mind had been warped by bedtime stories. Perhaps adventure is what I longed for all along.

But I didn't have to stay with her, so why did I?

I couldn't answer that question.

I ate dinner, and I went to bed, prepared for the long trip ahead to Windhelm, to apparently kill Ulfric Stormcloak. I didn't totally agree that it had to be done, but the civil war needed to be over. I fell asleep at peace with Rowan's plans.

However, it didn't last long, and hardly anything goes according to plans.

I woke, my vision blurred, my body paralyzed. Where was I? In a very tight space, perhaps a box? Was I in a box? However, I was moving. I could hear the sound of horse hooves, and I was hardly laying still, as the must-be wagon shook. I could hear two muffled voices. One was deep, manly. The other high pitched and girlish. I must be under the influence of a paralysis spell or potion. I would have to wait until the effects wore off. I kept calm, thinking perhaps Rowan was near, testing my worth, or something. Whatever people with a divine purpose state of mind do. I waited.

It must have been hours until the wagon stopped. I could hear the voices again, but I couldn't place the words. I prepared myself for what was to come, though I still couldn't move. Suddenly, the box was being moved, pushed, and I got the sensation of falling, then abruptly landing. I was stiff with paralysis but instead of laying, it was more like I was standing at an angle. The lid was lifted, and although it was night outside, the dense darkness I was once in still left me blinded by the lit northern sky and moons. Before me stood a small girl, and a redguard man.

"Good evening, how was the ride?" The redguard's deep robust voice was laced with sarcasm. "No need to answer that." He turned to the child. "Come, Babette. Let's introduce this one to the rest of our family."

The child coated a dagger with two potions, then proceeded to cut my hand. Almost instantly, I gained control over my body, but I was extremely weak and out of energy. One potion to counteract the paralysis poison, the other to drain me of magicka and energy. Smart. I could neither run nor cast spells, but now they wouldn't have to carry me. The redguard grabbed me by the upper arm, and pulled me along as we walked through the snow on a shore. I felt my legs buckle, but I continued. Who were these people?

Deathbell and Nightshade plants broke up the snow, and I found it curious. Soon, we happened upon a large black door with symbols and markings. Mostly of skulls and skeletons. A feeling of dread settled inside of me as the door was opened and I was pulled inside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all! I took time on this chapter to make it longer. Please leave a review and give me an idea on what you think!**

 **Thoughts on Rowan, Audeius?**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"We won't kill you until you completely prove useless." The child, Babette, apparently a vampire, grinned, her fangs prominent. "Don't worry."

How could I not worry? They were assuring me they wouldn't kill me, yet!

"Don't play with your food, Babette. It's bad manners." The redguard was amused. Babette back away, gingling like a child, but it was dark. This wasn't childs play and teasing.

"Hopfully our mutual friend, Rowan, is on her way. I don't like to wait." I looked to the redguard. He shifted in his seat impatiently. I was tied to my own chair, dosed with magicka and stamina poison. I could hardly keep my head up.

"How do you know Rowan?" I asked, confused. The redguard looked to me. Should I not have spoken?

"We've been watching the house for years, for her return. We have eyes everywhere, and connections to the Thieves Guild. She was exiled, was she not? Back then we were in a situation, and couldn't risk saving her from that fate-"

"Saving her? You're not trying to kill her?" I stopped him, more confused than I had ever been. The redguard's brow furrowed, then a look of astonishment graced his dark features.

"By Sithis, you have no idea who you've been travelling with, do you?" The redguard looked to the vampire, Babette, then back to me, shifting again. "We kidnapped you only to get her attention, to come meet with us." I was vexed by his words.

"She doesn't care about me. Why would she get me?" The redguard let out a loud laugh.

"We know she doesn't care about _you_! It's just to get the point across. To let her know it's an urgent matter without leaving a detailed letter for someone else to possibly find. This has nothing to do with caring." At his explaination, which made some sense, I felt foolish.

"So, when do you think she will be here?" I asked. The redguard stroked his beard.

"We left her a gift, an old friend." He smirked. "I don't think it'll be too long."

* * *

Shadowmere galloped, both of us set on getting to the sanctuary quickly. Being a creature of the void, he did not need frequent rest, and we travelled with great speed. My hood fell, and my long hair escaped it's entrapment. It only made me feel good, alive. Free again. Like in my youth, when I could come and go as I pleased, adventuring, treasure seeking. Perhaps, ignorance is bliss.

I couldn't think of that now.

* * *

I thought it would've taken her a couple of days, but within a day and a half since I had been taken, she had come.

Dressed in dark gray, almost black light armor, with a hood and mask. There was an emblem on her chest, one I couldn't quite remember. Her hood and mask didn't cover her face, that's how I knew it was her. Otherwise I might not have known. Upon her arrival, she saw me tied to my chair, poisoned, then she looked at the redguard.

"You bound and poisoned my apprentice, Nazir?" She pulled a bottle of something from a satchel she had brought with her, and approached me.

"Not before paralyzing him, and putting him in a coffin in the back of a wagon, and passing him off as a corpse we were taking to get buried." Nazir crossed his arms over his chest. Rowan smirked at him, the first sign of amusement I had ever seen from her, then she roughly grabbed my jaw and made me open my mouth and tilt my head back, pouring the bottled liquid down my throat. I choked on it, but it went down. Instantly, my energy returned to me. I used a small fire spell to burn my binds. I stood, facing Rowan.

"I would like to know about the current company you keep." My voice was stern, but not hateful. She owed me an explanation. She gestured to our surroundings.

"You're in the sanctuary of the Dark Brotherhood, Audeius. Be thankful they kidnapped you and did not kill you." I looked around, seeing the Black Hand tapestries, the black door, the red and black armor they all wore. It made incredible sense.

"Of course. I should've known." I said aloud, but to myself. I looked to Rowan. "But you do realize I would've known sooner if not that it had become more of a myth than a fact." Rowan's brow furrowed.

"What do you mean?" She looked from me to Nazir.

"We've seemed to hit another rough spot. After killing the emporer, the current one took the throne, and made it like we never even existed. Your absence didn't help because we couldn't properly carry out contracts, at least not as quickly." Nazir stated, and Rowan grunted in disgust.

"I should've never assassinated the last emperor." She said quietly, but enough for me to hear.

"You did what?" I asked, astonished. Rowan slowly looked to me.

"Audeius, by now you shouldn't be suprised by anything concerning me." She was right. Considering who she was and her power...

"You carried out a contract. It was necessary." Nazir assured Rowan. They continued talking as I zoned out, looking at a tapestry, or through the tapestry, as my thoughts dulled my senses. Who was Rowan, exactly? And who exactly was she involved with? So many secrets. Too many secrets. Why was she involved with assassins and theives and, Divines know what else, if she had this divine purpose, to seek out corruption and rid of it?

"Audeius." My name was called, and I looked up at Rowan. "Ulfric can wait. We have other things to do." I nodded, but I didn't know what she meant.

"Nazir, have you recruited any mages since I've been away?" Nazir stroked his beard, thinking on Rowan's question.

"We have. Only one. He seems to excel in all the schools. An exceptional assassin." Nazir chuckled darkly. "Wait until you hear that story..." he paused again, his brow furrowed. "Why?"

"I want Audeius to work with him while we are rebuilding the Brotherhood." My eyes widened at her words.

"Me? With these assassins? Rowan, don't be foolish." I stood, standing slightly taller than Rowan when my back was straight. I was most definitely opposed to this idea. Rowan narrowed her eyes at me.

"Audeius, you would be a fool to turn down this opportunity to hone your skills. I have business here, and you best take advantage of that." Her icy blue gaze bore into my own eyes. Perhaps it would be better if I learned more while I was here, but with assassins? I broke away from her eyes. I'd give it a chance, but it seems that following Rowan has put me on a peculiar path, and there's no doubt in my mind that we will end up in other unusual situations. Ones I'd probably never dreamed of. Was this adventure?

"Who is this mage?" I asked. Before Nazir could speak, a deep, slightly Morrowind accented voice was heard.

"I'm Sadus." From the shadows walked a Dunmer, strange looking, even for a dark elf. Obviously not pureblooded. "I'll teach you what I can, but you must be ready to learn on the job." His light ashen face, a very pale blue, almost white, which did not have the same sharp features as other elves, was expressionless. He looked young, perhaps my age, but he was most likely older due to his elven blood. His black hair was long enough to almost hide his large violet eyes, but it wasn't long enough to touch his shoulder. His build was much like mine, he was lanky. Tall, for a Dunmer, and relatively skinny. I nodded in acknowledgment, and he bowed his head slightly.

Rowan walked up the stone stairs and to the left, where I could no longer see her. Nazir looked to me, and to Sadus.

"She's putting you straight to work it seems." At the same time, Rowan decended the stairs and stood before me.

"Ready for your first contract?" She asked.

"No." I replied simply.

"Good. We are never ready, and to say so is a foolish lie."

I heard a knock on the door to the room I was given. I stood, and opened the door. Sadus looked up and met my gaze.

"Are you ready? Markarth is a long trip, and we'll be making it on foot." I looked back to the satchel Rowan had given me. I had a variety of potions, gold, and food. I picked it up from where it rested on a table, and put it around my neck. I then pulled my hood over my head, and nodded to Sadus. I followed him out of the sanctuary.

Once we were well on our way, and the sun was high in the sky, I broke the silence.

"I am just an apprentice from the College. I don't know why Rowan wants me on this contract with you. I will be more of a burden than a benefit." Sadus didn't so much as look at me when he replied.

"Rowan must not think that then. I don't know her, but I know of her. From what I understand, she's very wise. If nothing else, she believes you'll learn quickly in the moment." Sadus then glanced at me. "I have no issue with the Listener's decisions. It would be foolish to doubt her." I grunted in disgust.

"You all think so highly of her, but what I see is a woman without morality, only logic and belief of her superiority. Her own purpose and goals above everything else. Wise, though she may be, she only thinks of herself in the end." Sadus stopped once I had finished, and pushed his hair out of his eyes.

"Perhaps it is true, Audeius." He looked me in the eye. "I heard her story. She climbed the ladder of power in the Brotherhood, completing every contract without real incident. It was the former leader of the Brotherhood, whom did not go by the old ways, who corrupted the Brotherhood, and brought it to it's knees. When the Listener got her title, the leader of the Brotherhood before her tried killing her. Betraying the Brotherhood entirely. Almost killed off entire family." He paused, running his fingers through his hair again. "Who do you think had the selfish intentions? The one who's goals were her priority, which did benefit her with power, so that she could lead us to prosperity, or the one who was trying to sustain their power over the family, despite better judgement?" I had nothing to say once Sadus finished. He could be right.

"I would choose the latter. I do believe Rowan puts her goals above much of all else, but I think it's always for everyone's own good. And perhaps lack of morality is needed for that to happen." He began walking again, and I followed. Something was different about him, compared to the others he called family. I met his pace.

"I hope you're right, Sadus." Sadus said nothing, instead we continued walking.

* * *

I looked over the map of Skyrim, and the names of each initiate along with their skill set. Nazir was in deep thought.

"I'm promoting you and Babette to Speakers. Promote two more veteren initiates to complete the Black Hand. The old ways worked for years, and that's what we will do now." Nazir nodded, but another thought entered my mind. I summoned the spectral assassin, Lucien Lachance.

"Greetings Listener. My blade is yours."

"I won't be needing your blade yet Lucien. Tell me of the Black Hand and the tenets. We are rebuilding the Dark Brotherhood as it was." Lucien hummed with pleasure.

"Very well."

* * *

The fire crackled with warmth, and I pulled the pelt together around me. We were still in the Pale, and it was a cold night. Sadus didn't have a pelt, but his breath was visible. He didn't seem bothered.

"What are you, exactly, Sadus?" Sadus' violet eyes glanced up at me through his black hair and then back down.

"My mother was a Dunmer. My father a Nord, or an Imperial. One of the taller, light skinned humans, but I can't remember."

"How can you not remember your father?" I asked. Sadus narrowed his eyes at me.

"I am the product of an evil act." Was all he said, then he continued. "I found him and killed him brutally. I simply forgot whether or not he was Nord or Imperial. You all tend to look the same." While he spoke, I pulled the pelt tighter around me.

"I would say you were half Nord, seeing as how I'm shivering and you aren't." Sadus looked down at himself, then at me.

"That seems so."

"Where are you from?" I asked. Sadus again glanced up then back to the ground.

"I was born in Windhelm."

"I see." That made sense. I had heard of the Grey Quarter, and the intolerant Nords.

"You've made the connection then."

"I have." I replied. "So, how did you come to be with the Dark Brotherhood?" Sadus sighed heavily, picking his head up and looking me straight in the face.

"You talk and ask a lot of questions." Sadus warmed his hands by the fire. "Why don't you tell me your story now. Maybe I'll learn why you don't stay silent." I was silent a moment, until his eyes met mine, a silent 'well?'.

"I'm from Cyrodiil, House Berne, therefore Audeius Berne. My family is wealthy, well educated. My parents were mages, and highly valued magic. After being sheltered my whole life, unable to spend time with other children, only studying, reading books, I turned eightteen, and was sent to spend time at the College of Winterhold. I was there for six years. I didn't learn more than what I already knew, so, it was ultimately pointless. Rowan was crossing the frozen sea to Skyrim. That's how I met her. I had first read novels about her. My friend, Veric, and I, had ventured North. I dragged him along. Ice atronachs attacked us, I suppose because we were so far north, and Veric ending up dying, falling into the Sea when the ice was weakened by flame spells. Sometimes I forget he's gone, and I think about showing him how much better I've gotten at Destruction spells, but then I remember he fell in the water. Sometimes I completely forget my time at the College. Veric was my only friend. More family than my own family. It's over now, though."

I finished spilling my guts and saw that Sadus was listening. "It's not too much of a dramatic tale, but it's what led me here." Sadus nodded, but it was more of an acknowledgement.

"Death is part of life, Audeius. We can't always control how and when. Even as assassins." I nodded at Sadus' words, accepting their truth.

* * *

It had completely slipped my mind.

"Where is the Keeper, Nazir? Where is Cicero?" Nazir glanced calmly up from whatever stew he was making.

"Ah the Fool. You know, he really changed since you left. He ran the Brotherhood along with Babette and I. I suppose giving him more responsibility and giving him someone to listen to and talk to made him stop listening and talking to the voices in his head." Nazir chuckled.

"You can't cure madness, Nazir."

"Oh, he's still mad. Just less annoying. Training, planning. Less time to sing and dance." Nazir finished his sentence with praise to Sithis under his breath. It was amusing.

"You still haven't told me where he is."

"He went to Riften. A deal with the Thieves Guild. He should be back any day now." I nodded in understanding, and I looked back down at the map I had marked, along with names of initiates, wondering if Cicero had any ideas on the subject. We would have to start recruiting, designating trainers in different skills, building new sanctuaries so that we could be all across Skyrim. It would be a lot, but I've completed greater tasks.

* * *

We were travelling in Whiterun hold now. It was warmer, and there was less snow on the ground. The city rose from the plains in the distance, and I admired it. Today was a beautiful day. I was in a fairly decent state of mind. Sadus seemed to enjoy it as well. He glanced over at the distant city, then to me.

"Have you ever been to Whiterun?" I shook my head. This would've been the second time I've seen it, but I had never entered it.

"Do you want to go? We can get a decent room for not too much gold, and we'll have a warm meal and a roof over our heads. We have time." Sadus' violet eyes were almost wanting. I wondered what he was thinking, and why he wanted to go. I nodded.

"I have wanted to see the city." At my words Sadus headed in the direction of the city gates, off the road. I followed, but I still wondered why. There was more to him wanting to go to Whiterun than just hot food and shelter. We had done fine without such luxeries. He was smart, wise even, but still an enigma.

It wasn't long until we were passing the stables, and a Khajiit caravan, which my gaze lingered on. They were curious creatures. Fasinating. At the same time, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sadus pull up his hood and mask, his shoulders tensed around his neck, as if he was ducking away, hiding. That when I saw the guards eyeing us, and felt a sense of danger, alertness. Sadus quickened his pace, and as we reached the gates before the guards opened them, they seemed very focused on Sadus. I would guess he had a bad history here. Perhaps even a bounty.

"Remove your hood and mask." One guard barked. "It's a simple precaution." Sadus glanced at me, when he started to move to take the hood off. We both knew they were watching us. We were surrounded. Then an idea popped into my head. I grabbed Sadus by the shoulders, and he squirmed, but I needed to play this off. He was shorter than me, he looked human enough, pale, it could work.

"My brother is ill. We make him wear the hood and mask so to better keep him out of the elements. If he removes them, it may make him vulnarable to a more dire sickness. We were seeking a healer, or apothecary. Please, do not make this a bigger deal than it is. My young brother doesn't like a fuss being made about him, but we must keep him as healthy as we can." Sadus caught on quick, and began to cough a bit. The guards looked at eachother. Sadus squirmed from me, and with a very good Cyrodiilic accent, began to stage an arguement.

"Let me be. I told you I would be fine-" He began forcing a realistic cough, exaggerating by bending over. I put my hand on his back, tried to conjure the most concerned look I could as I spoke to the guards.

"Mother can't bear to lose another son. Please sir. He needs aid." The guards nodded to eachother and quickly opened the gates, muttering Divine blessings in our passing. We kept up the act until we got out of sight, then we went into he Bannered Mayor, rented the one room they had, and quickly made our way upstairs. Closing the doors behind us, Sadus let out a deep sigh.

"That was close. Thank you. You were quick to think." He turned to me, visibly relieved. "I, uh-"

"I don't need to know the whole story. It's okay. I've been going about the last few weeks ignorant anyway. I don't care anymore. Just take care of that." I said, the exact words in my head too. No filter. Sadus stared a moment, then nodded. I pushed back my own hood and ruffled my hair.

"So, where to? I could tell there was more than just the lure of luxury." Sadus turned to me sharply, then his features softened.

"There's a...a woman." I was surprised and yet not surprised.

"A woman." I repeated.

"Yes. I fancy her, I suppose." He said it like it was another language. One he didn't understand, like he was speaking words that were hard for him to pronounce. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the wall, listening.

"So you are smitten." I paused. "Peculiar, considering your state of work is murdering people." I looked up at him. He froze momentarily.

"She is not to know about that. I may be an assassin, but it's not like I don't value life. Death is part of life, Audeius. Though I may seem evil, due to my line of work, I can assure you, I am just a bringer of what is ultimately inevitable. Assassins are necessary. We do it, so others don't have to. I am not like the other assassins. It's not part of me, it's just what I do." His violet eyes met mine. I still didn't understand him very well, but I did understand that this may be how Rowan thinks of assassins, and that's why she doesn't kill them all off. I, at least, understood that Rowan and Sadus have a different idea of the assassin's role in life. I nodded in understanding. Sadus then began to put on a good set of clothes over the light shrouded armor he wore. It hid the armor fine, since it was light, thin leather and cloth that was a tight fit. He looked like a normal traveler, passing through Whiterun, when he finished tucking his pants into a casual pair of boots and fixed his belt. He found a mirror, and started fiddling with his black, matted hair. I was almost awe-stricken at how he had changed from the emotionless, matter of fact assassin, to the nervous young lad, who was smitten. There was a bucket of water near, next to a wash basin. I looked it over, and it looked clean, probably drawn from the well today for the renters of the room.

"Put your head over that basin." I instructed, picking up the bucket full of water. Sadus looked at me and then at the basin, then shook his head.

"No, I don't need you to pour water all over me. I don't need to be wet-headed when I meet her." I sighed.

"You can't afford to smell bad either." Sadus took my words into consideration, then walked quickly over to the basin. He leaned down warily. I steadily poured the water over his head, and he scrubbed his scalp. With his hair all wet and heavy, I then noticed his ears. They were almost human, but still a bit longer and pointed. I had not seen a half Dunmer half Nord in my life. He was odd looking, definitely.

Once I had finished with the water, I got him a towel. He did his best to dry his hair, and then he finger combed it. Sadus turned to me, as if looking for my approval, and I nodded.

"I told you cleaner hair would make the difference." I had not said such a thing, but he knew what I meant, and nodded. I suppose I had done my good deed for this day. Help an assassin dress himself as a decently smelling traveler to woo his lady friend. I was amused at the thought, and smirked.

I suppose life didn't need to be so grim, and I guess I had forgotten.

We were heading to the girl's house by walking behind the buildings instead of out in the open. It wasn't totally strange. Children of various ages ran and played. The older children were grouped up, talking, the younger ones were the ones running and playing. Some of the older kids would join in. It was nice to see the young play. I had never experienced it, and I found it intriguing. The children watched as we passed, waving with friendly faces, then going back to some imaginary world. I suppose they were kept from the market square and roads and could only play behind the buildings. It made sense. A mob of children running in the streets could be a hazard.

As we reached the house, we circled to the front. Sadus took a deep breath, and knocked, then he opened the door. What met our ears sounded like moans of pain, and it seemed like Sadus instantly was alert, like an animal, and he ran up the stairs, and to the right. He was quick, and was already up the stairs when I started after him. He threw open the door, and at the same time I made it to his side. What we saw was enough for me to blush and turn quickly away, but Sadus was frozen. Heavy breaths and moans stopped at our intrusion, and I could hear quick ruffling.

"Sadus!" A young woman's voice called out in surprise. I cautiously turned back around, and saw that the woman was covered, and so was her partner. Sadus said nothing. He had no expression. "You did not tell me you were coming." She said sheepishly. Sadus then blinked, once.

"I wanted to surprise you," he paused, his expression gradually darkening, and when he spoke again his voice was void of the Sadus I had known. Filled with malice. "I suppose I succeeded." His muscles were tense, and his jaw tightened.

"Look, Sadus, I'm...I'm sorry." She said, shame all over her face.

"Sorry you got caught, or sorry you did it." Sadus' eyes glinted with hatred. I was afraid I would possibly need to intervene. The woman didn't answer, only looked down. Her partner stood up.

"What's going on?" He rose his voice to her, and she slowly looked to him, trying to find words but failing. He quickly grabbed his clothes and did what he could to dress. He tried to push past us, but Sadus didn't move. Although Sadus was built like me, but shorter, and this hulking Nord was much taller than us both, and built like a troll, Sadus stood his ground. I watched while Sadus put his hand on the Nord's chest, but instead of shoving him, the Nord gasped and his eyes glazed over, and the life left his body. He collasped, dead. The woman shrieked, and I was in awe. Sadus glanced at me, and then to the woman. He started towards her, and she backed away, as far as she could on the bed, near panic.

"I would've given you everything." He said, before doing the same to her. She gasped, her eyes became void of life, and she fell limp. Sadus propped himself against the wall, breathing heavily, massaging the bridge of his nose. Whatever spell he used took a lot out of him, but I think the whole situation didn't help. As he gathered himself again, he briskly walked by me.

"Come on, we have to leave." I followed, looking back once, and feeling reality hit me again. Death was so near.

We had gathered our things and we were heading out of the city, but as we were about to exit the gates, the guards stopped us.

"Your brother, he isn't sick, is he?" The guard pulled his sword from it's sheath. "Probably not even your brother." Sadus glanced at me, and narrowed his eyes. "I went to the healer to varify your story. They had no idea what I was talking about." Other guards circled us, swords drawn. "You're the one with the bounty. The white elf assassin." Sadus pressed his back against mine, and I understood. I cast a lightening spell. It would have to be strong.

"Remember when I talked about learning on the job?" Sadus asked. I watched the guards as they eyed us, afraid of getting hit ith a spell if they moved wrong. They were watching for an opening.

"I do." I answered.

"Well," Sadus began casting a fire spell, his hands in the air. The guards were closing in. "Class begins."

Fire and lightening engulfed us all, and no one was spared from pain.

* * *

 **Thoughts on Sadus anyone? I wanted to make him unique. I don't know if Nords and Dunmer can really breed, though I'm sure it's possible. Let me know what you think of this chapter in general, tell me about anything you don't or do like.**

 **-SadonLaas**


	5. Chapter 5

Burning pain. Disorientation. I was on my knees. My head was killing me. Blood dripped onto the ground, from me. I realized my nose was bleeding. My face hurt. My head and face burned. Maybe it was just the sudden heat. I hoped. I stood, my robes all but destroyed. I stumbled, my head spinning. I tripped over something and fell on my hands and knees, a loud groan broke through the ringing in my ears. I looked at the body I had tripped over. It was the pale elf, Sadus. He was bleeding from somewhere. It pooled aorund him. I had no strength to cast any spells. I stood, grabbing Sadus by his arm, dragging him slowly, with all the strength I had. He started yelling, screaming, moaning in pain. I saw the gates, it was my goal. I could taste the blood. I could smell burned flesh and hair. I made it to the charred gate, let go of Sadus, and I leaned my body against it. I had no strength. It opened slowly, and I fell. I picked myself up again, grabbed Sadus' arm again, and stumbled away. I could hear things now, the ringing in my ears dying away. I heard frantic cries, barked orders, I saw blurred figures running past. Sadus was still yelling in pain as I dragged him. We were almost to the stables, and I looked back. A trail of blood was left behind me. Had Sadus been run through? I collapsed on my knees next to him, trying to focus on finding the wound. He was breathing heavily, whimpering. I tried to use my energy to cast a healing spell, and a gold glow emitted from my hands, but it only lasted a moment. I tasted blood and it dripped from my nose onto what was left of my robes. A wave of pain came over me. Everything hurt and burned more. I gave up trying to help Sadus, because I would kill myself doing so. I got up dragging him again. The wagon was abandoned, and I tried to lift Sadus, but I hardly had enough strength to hold myself up. I struggle, but Sadus started using his own strength, and with a loud groan, stood, quivering with pain. Between Sadus and I, he got into the back of the wagon and collasped. I got to the front of the wagon, shaking my head, trying to get back at myself, and I took the reins. I had no idea how to drive a wagon, but I had ridden horses. Couldn't be much different. I snapped the reins, and we were quickly off in the direction we where heading earlier that day, but now the land was shadowed by dusk. I needed to get away from the city before I could do anything to help Sadus.

By the time night came, I had gained some strength, focus, and balance. I hurt all over though, and my face as burning. It was a constant sting. I don't think I was spared the flames. I stopped the wagon well off the road, hidden behind vegetation. I checked on Sadus, who was still breathing, with slowed bleeding. I casted a healing spell, and it went well. Sadus seemed to gain some relief but I was still too weak to fully heal him. His breathing was easier, and I was slightly relieved. He opened his eyes, and narrowed them.

"What?" I asked. He was visibly bothered. He just grunted and looked away. He still had his satchel. I grabbed it and dug through it, and found a small vile of healing potion. I grabbed his jaw and told him to open his mouth, he did, and I poured it down his throat. He seemed almost fully at himself once the potion kicked in. He sat up, still obviously wounded. He looked around us, and then to me. I sat down, laying back, letting out a heavy breath. I touched my face with my hand, instantly regretting it. I gasped at the pain and Sadus looked at me.

"Don't touch that." He said.

"How bad?" Moving my mouth hurt and stretched whatever wound I had. Sadus looked away.

"It's going to scar." Well, that wasn't too bad, I suppose. Sadus began casting a healing spell on both him and I. I felt relief, and he sighed, before the spell ceased. Sadus patted himself down, and nodded. I touched the left side of my face, and though it didn't hurt, the skin there was different. I wondered how I looked. Sadus stood and jumped off the wagon, walking towards the road. I waited for him, and a few minutes later, he returned.

"We're nearly to Rorikstead. We'll have to get supplies there, but we can make it to Markarth before sundown tomorrow." I nodded as he dropped a few sticks he had carried back into a pile next to the wagon. He looked up at me. "Help me with firewood." I nodded, jumping out of the wagon and immediately into the surrounding wilderness. As I picked up broken branches from the ground, my mind began to wander. I hadn't thought too much on it before, but since I was without pain, my mind was clear. What exactly had happened? How many casualties were there? I didn't know if I could dwell on such a thing. It would've been my first kill. Unless you can count Veric's...

It wasn't that I was insanely grieved by the death of those I must've killed that bothered me.

What troubled me, was that, in this moment, I felt nothing. I was void of guilt. Regret, but not guilt.

I dropped my load of firewood into the pile, and Sadus proceeded to set fire to it. We sat by the fire, within our own thoughts. I looked to Sadus, sitting with his legs crossed and his fingers intertwined. He looked tired, older than what he usually did. His brow was knitted, and strands of his hair hung in his face. He was bothered. I remembered then, while looking at him, about his experience with the woman he was fond of. In a blind rage he sought revenge. It was weird to watch, him killing those people. I wasn't horrified, or frightened. I was calm, watching. Remembering gave me a weird feeling, because for some reason the deaths didn't bother me. Was I traumatized during Veric's death? No, not traumatized. I was calloused. I couldn't feel it like I did then. I don't know, it confused me.

"Audeius." My name being spoken pulled me out of my head.

"What?" I answered, looking at Sadus, whose eyes were on me now.

"I'm sorry. And, also," he paused. "thank you for saving my life." I nodded in acknowlegment, but something different was on my mind.

"How many of them died, Sadus?" I braced myself for the number.

"The majority, Audeius." He glanced up. "Between the both of us, it was a large explosion of magic." He scoffed. "It didn't keep me from getting a sword swung at me during." He said it under his breath. I remained silent, gingerly touching the scar on my face.

It didn't take us long to reach Rorikstead, where we got more food. Just as dusk began to creep upon us, we were at the Markarth stables.

Markarth itself amazed me. A city of stone. It began to pique my interest in Dwemer cities and mechanics. I would have to study on them sometime. Perhaps explore ruins. The thought excited me.  
We entered the great city, and Sadus began to tell me a story.

"I once heard that Rowan killed every guard in this city." He looked around. There was a large number of guards patrolling the streets. "They were corrupted, she had said. Controlled." That made sense. She seemed like someone to do such a thing. We continued, reaching the inn. Upon entering, I noticed many eyes were on me. It was uncomfortable. Sadus took a moment to look at everyone in the room, then he stared at one individual for a while. Suddenly, he took a seat next to him. Their conversation was quiet, but they passed whispers like old friends. Sadus then got up, leaving the weary looking man to drink. He rented a room with two beds, using the gold we had left, then he came back to me.

"The target is in Cihdna Mine. The prison. Our client was dissatisfied with the punishment and wants him dead." I nodded, and we went to our room. Sadus placed whatever supplies remained on a table, and began to take off the clothing that burned his armor. I noticed the place the sword must've cut through, and his armor was damaged as well. Sadus took a moment, fingering the torn leather, the pale skin of his side slightly visible. He sighed and said something about getting it repaired later under his breath. He got ready, and looked to me.

"You're staying here. Explore the city, I don't care. But I need you out here in case I run into trouble. It's also easier to sneak in alone." Without another word, he left. I decided to wash in his absence, and to be sure all wounds had been healed and if not, cleaned and covered.

Upon examination, I was clear of wounds. The spell worked thoroughly. I washed myself of dirt and ash, and the smell of burned hair and flesh, cringing at vague memories. I dressed in normal clothing, instead of robes. The robes were damaged, destroying whatever magical advantage they had. Now I realized how important a ward might've been. Could've saved me from other wounds as well.

At that thought, I picked up a piece of shining dwemer metal, a makeshift mirror for guests perhaps, and gazed at my altered reflection. My skin was pink with scar issue, stretched to mend the melted flesh on a portion of the left side of my face. The scars were not, however, much like natural burns. Magical burns left a different design, less, organic. The swirling and whipping of fire imprinted on my face, as if sculpted. The corner of my mouth was turned upward in an eternal smirk. I could see how flames hardly missed my eye. Gingerly, I touched the marks that would forever be present. I never thought myself as handsome, but now I could not see this scar as becoming. Young thoughts, I suppose.

I tossed the metal aside, and massaged the bridge of my nose. Here, I was thinking of my scarred face, when I deserved more than that. I deserved death for what I had done to those guardsmen. However, another thought occurred. My magic, though it had taken a lot from me, was stronger now. I knew the spells, but I had yet to put them to real practice. But now I had, and a barrier had been broken. To me, magics were no longer theoretical.

With that thought, I decided to take a nap.

"Audieus." My name woke me instantly. I felt more energy, but I was famished. I rose from the stone bed, and stretched. Sadus gazed down at me. I rubbed my eyes and met his stare.

"Everything's taken care of." He said calmly, and starting packing our things. That was it? You assassinate a man and then you just go on your way?

"That easy?" Sadus didn't even look to me.

"What did you think? Not everything is as dramatic as..." he paused. "Whiterun. Life is easy to take, especially when you're skilled."

"How did you do it?" I said as I ran my fingers through my hair. Sadus shrugged.

"It's easy to infiltrate even the most guarded places if you know how. I posed as a guard, but you can't just act like whoever you're trying to portray, you must believe you are him. Then it's easy." He glanced at me. "Like you did at the Whiterun gates. That was quick thinking, though we needed to follow through to make it exceptionally believable, and we could've avoided...well." I looked down.  
"It's a lesson."

"A lesson? I had never taken a life, but in that moment I did the first thing that came to mind, to defend myself. Though I had done no wrong." I stood, shaking my head. "No, Sadus. That was your lesson to learn, not mine. But I'm the one who will be reminded every time I look in the damn mirror!" I hadn't realized how my usual soft tone turned into a roar. I didn't normally raise my voice. I virtually never did. But now I found myself staring down into emotionless violet eyes, almost completely hidden by ebony colored hair. Sadus didn't flinch, and he seemed unbothered. I was the only one bothered by my outburst. I was reminded of his outburst. When he started speaking next, he seemed to read my mind.

"The more power you have, the more passionate you are. It's hard to control. It's different from never have gained or lost magicka. Magicka is something completely different from our physical bodies, though it affects it. You can exercise a muscle, and become stronger. You can do the same with magicka, but you aren't exercising a muscle. I'm not entirely sure, but I do believe with more magicka, you become more passionate. That's why you rose your voice. That's why I killed my...friend, and her lover. It gets worse the more you grow. You have to learn to control your emotions. When you weren't growing, you didn't notice how you controlled yourself, now every part of you must grow so that you will not go insane. That's the true struggle with becoming a great mage. Many mages do not give themselves time to adjust to the changes made in mind and body due to growing power, so they go mad with it." Sadus sat heavily onto a stone seat, laying back, as if exhausted.

"Passions become obsessions, sadness becomes rage, and rage becomes insanity. With power, everything is amplified, and will alter your mind. It's proven, time and time again. That's why I killed her. That's why I killed my father. I was heartbroken, and that became rage." He roughly pushed his hair away from his eyes, turning back to me. "Relatively speaking, you're already better than I was. Take solace in that." I sat down in the bed, covering my face in my hands. Though muffled, I began speaking.

"It's been only a week, and I've caused my friend's death, started travelling, for no real reason, with the traitor, gotten involved with assassins, and killed more people than I've known in my twenty four years of life. I took this path, and I can't remember why. Curiosity, maybe? I don't know. I don't care. But I made the wrong choice. It's all been wrong. I was never meant to venture away from what I knew." Sadus stayed silent. I didn't care. I laid down, and fell asleep once again.

I bought new robes from the general merchant with the gold we had been paid for the assassination. We were on our way back to the sanctuary, taking the carriage we had stolen when escaping from Whiterun. Sadus drove, and I sat in the back, swaying to the rocking movement. Suddenly I heard a quiet noise, eventually it got louder, until I saw that Sadus was singing. It was a sullen tune. A sad noise.

 _I sat within a valley green, I sat there with my true love_

 _My heart strove to choose between, the old love and the new love_

 _The old for her, and the new that made, me think on Skyrim dearly,_

 _While soft the wind blew down the glade, and shook the golden barley_

Sounded like something a Nord might sing. He continued the ballad until the end, in which he glanced back at me.

"I heard that in a tavern one night. I was sent to kill the bard. But his song, Nord, though it might've been, captured how it must be for some young Nord men. Fighting for what they believe to be right. Perhaps they don't hate elves, and it's just, the passion for home and land, and loved ones lost."

"Do you think of yourself as a Dunmer more than a Nord?" I asked. He was silent.

"I was raised as a Dunmer, by a Dunmer mother, in the Grey Quarter, around other Dunmer. I didn't know I was any different until I became the 'White Elf'. It's all the wanted posters said." My current curiosity was sated.

Rowan met me back at the sanctuary, with and emotionless expression as she pulled back my hood and looked at my face. Sadus walked past us.

"Things didn't go as planned." He said in passing. Rowan nodded.

"They rarely do." She lightly touched the scar, but I resented it, and pulled away. She wasn't bothered by it. "If you nearly died, then you're learning." She turned away from me, and retreated back into a dimly lit room, and began conversing with the redguard man. Several Dark Brotherhood initiates were gathered in the main room, sitting or standing, conversing or silent. Sadus returned with a set of armor, and handed it to me. I took it.

"There's a wash room. Change there."

I was left to find the room myself, which wasn't too difficult, but it did mean peeking into several bedrooms. I changed, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was used to robes, but this armor exaggerated my slender figure. As I hid myself behind the hood and mask, I felt like a different person. Would I be an assassin, like the rest? No. Maybe I'd learn this way but I'd never stay like this. I wouldn't remain here forever.

* * *

"Mother, I'm going just up the stream a bit, the berries are thick there, I'll return soon enough, before dark." I grabbed my knife, basket, and put on my coat.

"If you aren't back before dark, I'm sending Cade after you." At the sound of the name I froze.

"Not Cade. Father, anyone, but not Cade."

"Why do you dislike him so much? He just so happens to be a very able bodied young man, and the closest farm in miles. He's always been good about helping us out. Remember when the cabbages did poorly that year? He might as well as given us everything he had that year, making sure we didn't go hungry. I think you're wrong about him. And," she gave me a sly grin and a wink "He's very handsome, and just a little older than you, Mae."

"Mother. Don't send Cade." With that, I went out the door.

The trees were bare and the ground was covered in snow, but every other time of the year, the forest was beautiful, and serene. Not that it wasn't now, but, I preferred those warmer days.

I walked further than I originally thought I'd need to to find the snowberries. I picked as many as I could as quickly as I could. Knowing mother, she'd send Cade anyway if I was late. I heard a break in the brush, and watched a deer run through the trees, to stop further up stream. I stayed silent. Looking back at the direction it came, a hunter emerged from the brush, and we met eyes. I remembered seeing him in the village on several occasions, selling the meat from his hunts. We had conversed and had been friendly. He gestured for me to stay quiet and to get down, in which I complied. I'd get to see him at work, and it was quite exciting. Surely we'd talk about it after and maybe he'd show me how to properly gut a deer-

More footsteps. The crunching of snow. I looked to the hunter. He was too focused on the deer, but the deer noticed, and after a moment, the deer ran off. I slowly stood up again, realizing that I could no longer hear the sound of snow under pressure. Nothing. It was incredibly silent. The hunter stood up and looked at me, his sigh the only noise in the forest. I started picking berries again. I'd have to head back soon. The sun was setting. I decided what I had was enough, and I decided to catch up the the hunter and say something. I caught a glimpse of him disappearing into some brush, and followed.

"Wait up." I said. No reply. Maybe he heard and was just waiting. He was a few steps ahead. I reached the clearing, and out of the corner of my eye, while I tried to pick briar braches off of my coat, I saw someone standing, and assuming it was him, I began speaking.

"Hey, not so lucky this time, but I'm sure the next one will be-" I froze. It wasnt him. He was laying in a pool of blood, and I can only assume, dead in the snow. Standing over him was a tall, slim man, with and hood and mask. He had black and dark red armor on, and his eyes told that he was as surprised to see me as I was him. Stringy brown hair escaped his hood and hung in his eyes, which were dark. Bits of a facial scar protruded from the mask. We stood there, eyes locked for a few seconds, before I pulled my knife. He looked down at the knife and back up at me. He put out his hand slowly, gesturing as if he wanted me to calm down. I slashed at him. Why wouldn't he just leave? Would he kill me too? I caught his hand with the blade. He grunted, looking at it. A golden glow emitted from said hand, then he flexed it, then he held it out, as if asking for the knife. There was no blood or wound from the slash, only a slight hole in the glove revealing unharmed skin. Magic? I shook my head. He withdrew his hand, but suddenly the knife was ripped from my hands and fell into his. What? Definitely magic! He backed up a step or two.

"You're not going to kill me?" I asked, apparently I was holding my breath that whole time. I could now hear how fast my heart was beating. He shook his head, while also putting his index finger over his masked mouth, a gesture to keep quiet. I nodded, and he took another step back, before a voice rang out in the trees.

"Mae!" It was Cade. I looked back to the masked man, and he was gone. I needed to get away from this body before Cade came any closer. I started my way out of the brush, as I reached my basket that I left by the stream, Cade appeared from the direction of home.

"There you are. Your mother-"

"Sent you after me. Yes I figured. I'm sorry I'm late, I got caught up in my own thoughts." I started walking towards home, eagar to leave the woods. "You know the forest is just so quiet and relaxing and I just lost track of time you know-" He grabbed my arm firmly as I tried to walk past him.

"I worry about you, Mae. You aren't like other lasses. I don't think I've ever seen you wear a dress, and you spend your time out in the woods instead of helping your mother keep a home and work the garden. You really should start acting like a lady, and less like a boy, or people will start getting ideas, Mae. And if I marry you, I don't want them talking-"

"Cade, I never agreed to getting married. And how I dress and act, really is none of your concern. I don't particularly care about what you or anyone else thinks."

"Mae, we're going to get married, and you're going to start acting like a lady." I jerked my arm from his grasp. The more the conversation went on the more I became disgusted.

"No. I'll do what I wish." He looked agitated now, but so was I, and I didn't care.

"No man, except for me, is going to agree to marry you. You have no choice in the matter. I'll have you one way or the other."

"I don't want to be married, Cade. Especially not to you." I started walking away towards home. Praying to the Divines he didn't continue the conversation. He didn't, but he did grab me by the wrist and jerk me back to him, so hard it hurt, and I felt disoriented. I dropped my basket. Scarlet red berries scattered on the snow, like blood. Cade pulled me close.

"One way or the other" he whispered, "I'll have you." I was thrown to the ground. The force of being thrown down, even into snow, caused me some pain, and was so sudden I couldn't get back up quickly. Looking up, I then realized what was going on, when I saw him fiddling with his trousers. Panic rose inside of me, and I tried crawling backwards, away, and get up and run, but he grabbed me again and forced me to the ground, dragging me to him by my leg. I kicked at him, still trying to get away. He out weighed me at least one hundred pounds. I was no match. He started ripping my clothes off, torso to trousers. Once I scratched him, but he grabbed my wrist so tightly in retaliation, I couldn't even scream I was in so much pain. I still fought despite it, when finally he grabbed a nearby rock and hit it against my head. I became stunned, helpless. Unable to even think clearly.

Then it all stopped. Cade fell backwards, groaning in pain, and as I saw my chance, I quickly backed away standing, becoming dizzy, and falling, only to be caught. I fought against whoever it was, but they shushed me.

"Shh, listen to me, I'm trying to help. Calm down. Calm down." I opened my eyes to see the same masked man from before, closer now, being held by him. I stopped. Over his shoulder I saw Cade standing up, I started panicking again.

"He's coming." I said between breaths. The man looked behind him, then to me, then back, then closed his eyes tightly, before holding out his hand in the direction of Cade. Lightening emitted from his fingers and engulfed Cade. He fell, dying or dead.

I was sat down by a tree, close to the stream. The sun was gone now, and the night sky was alive with color. I stared blankly at it. The masked man stared at me. I slowly met his eyes. Behind him, Cade's corpse was still smoking from the lightening, but cooling in the snow.

"Your head is bleeding." I looked at him silently. "I'm going to cast healing spell." From his hands emitted that same golden glow from earlier, and suddenly, the headache I had stopped, and my wrist felt better. He quit, searching my face. "Better?" I nodded. "There's still blood in your hair." He thought for a moment. He went to Cade's body, and ripped some of the less damaged cloth from his clothing, and dipped it in the stream. He returned, wringing it out over my hair, and wiping it off.

"That's the best I can do."

"Why'd you kill the hunter?" I asked. He paused.

"I had to."

"Why didn't you kill me?" I asked.

"Because it wasn't necessary."

"Why did you protect me?" I felt my face heat up and my eyes get wet. I didn't know why.

"Because you needed my help." I turned away.

"Help from an assassin..." He looked sad at my words. He stood from his kneeling position.

"You need to get home, or you'll freeze to death." He offered his hand. I took it, struggling against my shaking. My knees wobbled as I stood, and I nearly collapsed, but he steadied me. We walked a few steps, using trees to keep me upright, because I didn't trust my own legs. Eventually, he scooped me up with a grunt, and began walking quickly past Cade's corspe. My eyes lingered on it.

"Don't dwell on it." he whispered. He walked past my basket of berries, turned over.

"Just follow the stream." I said, shivering. He glanced down at me, but continued silently.

I could see the lights of the house. Nobody was asleep. They were waiting for me. The masked man stood me up, my strength back in my body somewhat, and he looked me over.

"I must leave. Nobody should know about me." He searched my face when I was silent. "Please." I nodded.

"Tell them you got caught up in your thoughts, and you wandered and got lost, and-"

"Mae! Is that you? I was worried sick! Is that Cade with you?" My mother burst out of the house and began walking briskly towards us, hiking up her dress to keep it dry. I looked back to him, and his eyes were wide, like when we had first met. I walked towards my mother, quickly conjuring a story. I simply got lost, he was a hunter and found me, and offered to help me home, Cade went home after meeting us along the way and realizing I was taken care of. That would work. It'd have to.

"Sorry mother, I wandered away from the stream and got lost, this hunter helped me find my way-"

"What hunter?" My mother asked, glancing around behind me. I did the same. He was gone.

"Oh. Uh, never mind. But I met Cade when I found my way back. He went home when I assured him I was okay." My mother gave me a warm smile when I turned back to her. She was never one to get angry. She just took me under her arm and led me into the house. Before shutting the door behind me, I watched the wood line, and swear I saw movement.

* * *

 **It's been a while, but I decided to write again. Although with a goofy, somewhat rushed start, I'm going to try and make it better, and slower paced, but not too dragged out, if I can manage it. I hope you enjoyed reading, please leave a review or PM me about anything. Feedback welcome and appreciated.**


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